When we think about burnout, what comes to mind? A crushing workload? A difficult boss? Juggling family responsibilities while meeting deadlines?
It’s easy to blame burnout on these external factors. But what if we realised that burnout isn’t really about how much work we have to do or the challenging people we’re dealing with? The real culprit is how we think about our work, our environment, and how we deal with stress.
Let’s dive into why burnout isn’t about our workload and what we can do to prevent it.
The Truth About Burnout
It’s tempting to think that burnout comes from working too much or not having enough time off. But if that were true, everyone with a demanding job would be burnt out and that’s simply not the case.
Consider this: two people can do the exact same job under identical conditions. One thrives, while the other edges closer to burnout every day. Why? It all comes down to mindset and how each of us processes stress.
• The person who thrives likely views challenges as opportunities, trusts their abilities, focuses on what they can control and feels a sense of purpose.
• The person nearing burnout may be plagued with self-doubt, blames others, or believes there’s something inherently wrong with them and spending time and energy on things they cannot control.
Both are probably tired at the end of the day. But there’s a crucial difference:
• The thriving person is ‘Good tired’ and sleeps deeply and wakes up recharged and refreshed.
• The person nearing burnout is ‘Burnout tired’ and keeps tossing and turning while their mind races with worries leading to deeper exhaustion.
Burnout isn’t about waiting for our workload to decrease, for that promotion to finally come through, or for our kids to grow up and need us less. It’s about how we think about our situation and, crucially, how we process the stress that’s building up inside.
The Hidden Cause: The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Our brains are master storytellers. Unfortunately, they often spin tales that fuel our stress rather than soothe it:
• “What if I mess this up?”
• “Why didn’t I speak up in that meeting?”
• “I’ll never be good enough.”
• “I should have gone home earlier to spend time with the kids.”
• “I should have stayed in the office and finish my paper.”
Does this sound familiar?
These stories keep us stuck in a cycle of stress. They make us second-guess decisions, anticipate worst-case scenarios, and constantly question our worth. And our brains LOVE it when we listen. They thrive on keeping us “prepared” for all those hypothetical disasters.
But living in a constant state of “what if” and “should have” is exhausting. It tricks us into believing there’s no way out, no options, no relief.
The Body’s Role in Burnout
Stress isn’t just in our heads, it lives in our bodies too.
Here’s what happens when a stressor hits:
1. Stressor: Something triggers stress (an email from our boss, a tight deadline, an argument).
2. Reaction: Our bodies kick into fight, flight, or freeze mode, our hearts race, muscles tense, breathing becomes shallow.
3. Processing: We process the stress through movement, talking, crying, etc.
4. Release: Our bodies let go, signalling that we’re safe again.
The problem is that most of us get stuck at step 2. We experience the stress reaction but never fully process or release it. This can have various reasons: We have no time and need to push through, we don’t know how to express our feelings, we think we need to be strong and stop ‘wining’, we don’t think there is anyone interested in listening.
Over time, this unprocessed stress accumulates, leading to physical symptoms (aches, pains, headaches) and mental strain (anxiety, irritability, overwhelm). Eventually, it results in burnout.
Fighting Reality (and Losing)
One of the biggest sources of burnout is resisting what we can’t control. We spend so much energy fighting reality:
• Wishing our boss would change.
• Hoping for fewer responsibilities.
• Waiting for life to “calm down.”
• Wanting our kids to do exactly as we asked them to.
• Wishing out partner would notice that we need support.
But the hard truth is: we can’t control most external stressors. However, we can control how we think about them and how we respond. Don’t get me wrong, we are allowed to have negative thoughts. After all, life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But we don’t want to get stuck in them so we need tools to process those thoughts and move through them.
A Practical Approach to Managing Stress
One simple way to regain control over our stress is by categorising it:
1. Divide our worries into two categories:
a. Things we can control (fully or partly).
b. Things we can’t control.
2. Take the things we can control and break them down further:
a. Easy to solve.
b. More difficult to solve.
3. Start with the easy stuff.
a. By addressing small, manageable tasks first, we reduce our overall stress load. This creates space and energy to tackle the more challenging issues.
Once we’ve shifted some of the stress within our control, the things outside of our control won’t seem as overwhelming.
Ways to Release Stress From Our Bodies
Our bodies need outlets to release built-up tension. Here is a quick reminder of well-known strategies to release stress from our bodies:
• Exercise: Movement helps burn off excess stress hormones.
• Crying or Laughing: Both are natural stress relievers.
• Deep Breathing: Signals our nervous system that we’re safe.
• Talking to Trusted People: Sharing our struggles can lighten our emotional load.
But there is another very powerful tool that I want to introduce here.
The Power of Tapping (EFT)
Another, very effective way to release stress stored in our bodies is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), commonly known as Tapping. It combines gentle tapping on acupressure points with verbal acknowledgment of what’s bothering us. Tapping is incredibly powerful.
Why is Tapping so effective?
• It calms the nervous system. Tapping helps shift our bodies out of fight-or-flight mode.
• It rewires negative thought patterns. As we tap and talk through our stress, our brains begin to see things differently.
• It processes stuck emotions. Those aches, pains, and racing thoughts? Tapping helps release them.
At any point in the stress cycle, whether we’re reacting to a stressor, feeling overwhelmed by emotions, or stuck in negative thinking, Tapping can help.
Tapping can be used throughout this process to release emotional blocks, reduce anxiety, and help us approach problems from a calmer, clearer state of mind.
We Don’t Have to Wait for Life to Change
One of burnout’s biggest lies is that relief will come ‘later’, when our workload decreases, when we finally take that vacation, or when life just slows down. But as you know these things often don’t come soon enough.
We don’t have to wait for anything and can act today. By changing how we think about our work and learning how to process stress in our bodies, we can start feeling better now, even if nothing around us changes.
Because it is about how we think about our daily challenges and how we care for ourselves through it all. And that’s something we ‘can’ control.
Wendela Elsen is an ICF certified coach and EFT practitioner. She helps professional women navigate draining life challenges to restore joy and fulfilment in work, family and social life. You can read more about her work on her website OpenRabbit
To find out how Wendela can support you in your journey to finding balance, book a 30-minutes free call here.
©Wendela Elsen, 2025, All rights reserved.